If It Kills Me
by Pietruszkowa
Summary: Kurt/Sam; parallel to Finchel's "Jessie's Girl" scene. Song used: If It Kills Me by Jason Mraz.


"I'm still not sure what I should do about this whole college thing" Kurt confessed, going through the things in his locker, looking for some particular book. "I mean, I was pretty sure what I wanted, but now I think of all these possibilities I didn't consider before."

"Maybe you should ask your boyfriend for advice" Sam suggested, leaning on the lockers. "Oh, wait, you can't" he added with slightly annoyed voice. "He's not here for you, as usual."

"You know, your bitching seems really inappropriate" Kurt didn't even take a look at him. "Yes, it is a kind of long-distance relationship, but changing schools wouldn't make sense for him anyway…"

"Why even would he consider that? He seems like a freaking prince of Dalton." Sam interrupted. "Prince rockstar Blaine and his mumbling pips."

"…And we are really close." Kurt finished, ignoring Sam's remark completely.

"When are you going to realize he doesn't deserve you?" Sam's voice went down a little bit, even if the hallway was pretty noisy. "He doesn't understand you or appreciate you like I do."

Kurt looked at Sam finally.

"And you are practically whispering right now; what does it say about you?" he asked. "Look, I understand you never were a fan of Blaine. And you keep making comments how our relationship isn't perfect" he closed his locker and leaned a little closer towards Sam. "But have you ever actually compared it with your own attitude?"

Sam bit his bottom lip nervously.

"I'm not going to out you, Sam" Kurt said quietly. "Or try to pressure you in any way. But I'm not going back into the closet, and that's what relationship with someone who's ashamed of his sexuality exactly is. I'm not saying that you want me for yourself" he added quickly. "I'm just saying that you shouldn't bash Blaine so hard when at least he's out and proud and you aren't."

For few seconds they just stared into each other's eyes, Sam unable to comment it in any way, and then break ended.

"See you in Glee club, Sam." Kurt said as he closed his locker and left, never even looking back.

Sam just stood there.

* * *

><p>"Mr. Shue, may I?" Sam asked few days later, right after glee club meeting started. "I've been working on something."<p>

"Fine, Sam" teacher answered and boy stood up.

"So, the theme of this week was expressing ourselves by music" he started. "Because sometimes we have feelings we can't really express any other way, because of… various reasons." He looked directly at Kurt.

"Well, it isn't exactly what I meant in the assignment" Will interrupted, but gave up right away. "But go on."

"…And I think I found a perfect song."

_Hello, tell me you know  
>Yeah, you figured me out<br>Something gave it away  
>It would be such a beautiful moment<br>To see the look on your face  
>To know that I know that you know now<em>

Everyone in New Directions seemed to be a little surprised; when it came to Sam's performances, they were used to fast, fun songs. _If it kills me_ was much slower and the lyrics seemed pretty straightforward… it's not like anyone suspected Sam might have been going through something like this lately.

On the other hand, Sam always was full of surprises; sometimes he surprised them with Justin Bieber, sometimes with being homeless.

_And baby that's a case of my wishful thinking  
>You know nothing<em>

Kurt seemed surprised, too, but for sure from different reasons. He stared directly at Sam, unsure, like he was looking for some kind of assurance.

Sam didn't take his eyes off him.

_Well you and I  
>Why, we go carrying on for hours, on and<br>We get along much better  
>Than you and your boyfriend<em>

When Sam was singing the chorus, which was a little faster, atmosphere wasn't so tense anymore. It seemed like the Glee club got into performance and started to enjoy it. Tina commented on it, reminding that _Lucky_ Sam sung last year with Quinn, was good too, so perhaps Jason's songs work really well for him.

Finally Sam got into the hardest part; still looking at Kurt, he took few steps towards him, leaving no doubts who he was singing about.

"If I should be so bold I'd ask you to hold my heart in your hand." He stood right in front of him; Kurt opened his mouth slightly, but didn't say at thing. Sam didn't know if he embarrassed him or simply shocked, but fear helped him resist the desire to take his hand. "I'd tell you from the start how I've longed to be your man; but I never said a word…"

"…I guess I'm gonna miss my chance again" Sam left Kurt and went back to his previous position in front of Glee club, where he finished the song, ignoring the fact that few members looked like they had just had a stroke.

When he was done, he received a few not-so-enthusiastic claps, but all he cared about was only one re action.

Regardless of all this confusion, the corners of Kurt's mouth lifted a little in small, almost unexciting smile, which seemed completely unconscious.

Sam felt some kind of hope in his heart; the feeling was frail, just as Kurt's smile, but he decided it was totally worth it.


End file.
